Why You Should Absolutely Handle Mom's Doctor Appointments All by Yourself

Let's be real. You've got this. Why on earth would you need help managing your mom's doctor appointments when you can do it all solo? Here's your complete DIY guide to the joyful world of medical scheduling.

Start with the Phone Call

Nothing builds character quite like sitting on hold for 45 minutes while a recording tells you your call is very important. Make sure you call during your lunch break so you can eat a sad desk sandwich while waiting. Better yet, call when you're already late for work. The added stress really brings out your best self.

And when you finally reach someone, enjoy the magical experience of repeating your mother's birth date five times because the person on the other end can't understand you. Pro tip: Do this while your mom is yelling the date in the background, creating a beautiful symphony of confusion.

The Scheduling Puzzle

Once you get an appointment, savor the moment you realize it's at a time that works for absolutely no one. Your mom can't make morning appointments because of her bridge club. Your dad needs the car that day. You have back-to-back meetings that definitely can't be moved.

Spend hours trying to find a different time. Go back and forth with the office. Then watch as your mom changes her mind about whether she even wants to go. Ah, the sweet taste of wasted effort.

Preparation Day Excitement

The night before the appointment, remind yourself to confirm it. Then panic when you can't remember if it's Tuesday at 2 p.m. or Thursday at 1 p.m. Call your mom to verify. Listen as she admits she "might have written it down somewhere." Spend 20 minutes helping her search for a piece of paper.

Get up early the morning of. Drive to your mom's house. Find that she's still in her pajamas. Enjoy the 45-minute delay while she showers and changes three times because "nothing looks right."

The Appointment Day

Arrive at the office 20 minutes early because that's what good children do. Sit in the waiting room and watch your mom recount her entire medical history to the receptionist (even though she filled out forms).

The real fun begins when the doctor asks your mom questions she's already discussed with you a thousand times. Watch her freeze. Step in and answer. Feel your mom shoot you a look because she "can speak for herself." Say nothing. Die a little inside.

Take notes on everything the doctor says because you know your mom won't remember. Don't take notes on everything the doctor says and then call her confused an hour later asking what the doctor said. It's a lose-lose situation, and you're here for it.

The Pharmacy Round Two

Doctor visit complete. Now head to the pharmacy. Wait 45 minutes for prescriptions that "will be ready in 10 minutes." Use this time to browse greeting cards and become irrationally angry at the prices.

Pick up the medication. Your mom insists she already takes something similar. Spend 15 minutes convincing her this is different while the pharmacist watches uncomfortably.

After Care Instructions? More Like After Care Confusion

Finally, when you think it's over, the pharmacist starts explaining the new medication. Your mom nods like she's listening. She is not listening. They mention something about "take with food" or "avoid dairy." You're not entirely sure which.

Call your mom three days later to check if she's taking the medication. She's not. She forgot. Or she's waiting for a "good time" to start. Explain urgently that the time is now.

The Kicker

And here's the beautiful part: you did all of this thinking you were helping. Your mom feels rushed and controlled. You feel exhausted and underappreciated. Everyone's frustrated. Mission accomplished.